A Powerful Sleepless Night

I am not a patient person. Especially when I am tired. And last night I was tired, and my patience was tried, and tried, and tried.

Titus has not been sleeping well. For naps, or whatever. It's a teething thing, for sure. He is 10 months old, and is sporting the vampire look:

So, back to the not sleeping thing. He is fevered, he is whinny, and he flips his lid when I lay him down to sleep. He flips his lid when he wakes up for naps, and his multiple middle of the night wake ups.

Last night he awoke at 10:30. Screaming. And screaming. And SCREAMING! Matt took care of him, but it took another hour for him to get back to sleep. At midnight Eli woke up, needing a diaper change and a drink (he is also teething. Joy.). I took that shift, because I'm cool like that... actually I'm a really light sleeper. I'm awake anyway, might as well take care of it all.

THEN 2:30, Titus starts to scream. I get him a bottle, check his diaper, and leave him be.

10 minutes later, Titus starts to scream again!

Let me paint you a picture of yours truly: impatient, tired, and crabby!

I huff! I puff! I throw the covers off! I say, in not so quiet of a voice, "What is wrong with this child?! I'm going down stairs to sleep!!"

Matt gives me a tired and weak, "okay... "

I march out of the room, fully intending to go down the stairs, lay on the couch, and stuff my ears with pillows. But I hesitate before I heading down... I feel a tug in my heart, which seems to say: "Titus' scream is so pitiful. And he is only 10 months old, for pity's sake Shannon."

I go into the boys' room, hoping I can keep my cool and bring comfort to this little boy. I take him in my arms, and start to rock him back and forth. Within two minutes he is falls asleep, but I continue to rock. I look at this small child, and try to take in everything I am seeing. The light of night light forms a soft halo effect around his small head... An image forms in my mind, a picture taken when he was 6 days old.

I sigh, and feel a sense peace of mind come.

I slowly walk back to his crib, continuing to rock back and forth. It takes me another 5 minutes to get him back into his bed. Slowly placing him down, and inch at a time. His eyes flash open at intervals, but when he is all the way down he stays asleep.

When I head back to bed (actually I head down stairs to sleep on the couch, because that couch is comfy!), two things cross my mind.

1) Good thing I do all those pull ups and push ups! That slow placing down was killer!

2) I love Elder Richard G. Scott.

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Elder Scott has a special place in my heart. He was at Matt's BYU-Idaho graduation, and his first child was a heart baby.

During his talk in the April 2011 General Conference, he talks about the blessings of marriage and family. He emphasizes the importance of taking the time to appreciate marriage and family. He gives a few examples in his life, but this one is my favorite:

"One night our little son Richard, who had a heart problem, awoke crying. The two of us heard it. Normally my wife always got up to take care of a crying baby, but this time I said, “I’ll take care of him.”

Because of his problem, when he began to cry, his little heart would pound very rapidly. He would throw up and soil the bed clothing. That night I held him very close to try to calm his racing heart and stop his crying as I changed his clothes and put on new bedsheets. I held him until he went to sleep. I didn’t know then that just a few months later he would pass away. I will always remember holding him in my arms in the middle of that night."

Read his whole talk here.

What a powerful example of slowing down, sacrificing a bit sleep, and making memories with one's children.

I have night memories with each of my kids. Isaac being 9 months old, sick as a dog, and falling asleep while throwing up in a bowl. Eli around 5 months old, having his oxygen removed the previous day (two weeks after his second heart surgery), looking at me with his large eyes.

And now Titus, finding comfort in my arms.