Hilton Head Beach Trip!

First, let me say, that I'm grateful for all the support that was given to me regarding the post below--albeit email, text, phone, or comment.  Means a lot... so even though it was a bit embarrassing to post something like that, I'm glad a did.  I've had a much stronger resolve to be the mother I've always wanted to be.  

Lots of great moments have been happening.

Despite the face that today while I was walking Isaac to school and playing tag with him to try to get him in a better mood, I got him off balance by tagging him on the shoulder he wasn't expecting and he fell on crashed on his left side.  Tears and whimpering, of course.  But the front office lady told Isaac that she'd show him a secret way to get to his class through her office!   Away he went, without a backwards glance.

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Second, Matt his here!  We have him for a whole dang week!  We've been busy setting up the rest of the house that I just couldn't do on my own.  

At the moment, however, Matt is enjoying a 3 hour nap with Titus and Eli.  I also got to nap for 2 hours.  I hope they all awake refreshed!  Cause those two little boys were in some moods.

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Third, we all went to the beach on Saturday.  Holy smokes--HOORAY!  I've taken the boys twice to Tybee Island, GA, which is 30 minutes away.  But this time I wanted to check out Hilton Head, SC, since Matt was with me and he could help with the "longer travel."  Okay, it is 50 minutes away.  But okay, it is a much more pleasant beach!  Mainly because the boardwalks have showers and bathrooms... but also the area is gorgeous!  Feels like a resort area not matter where one turns.  

This was Matt's first time back to a beach since... er... summer before 10th grade?  He took a trip to FL with his fam back in the day, so I think I'm placing that right.  

We had some serious fun. 

Titus even took is pouty face off towards the last half and BRAVED THE WATER.   We'll try to go around low-tide from now on.  Looks like there could be tide pools, which capture little ocean minos, etc.  

I think living here is going to be really good for our family.  Cheap accessible fun is just what we need. And the best part is: we get to go to the beach till November and start back in February.  

But I've also decided that the South is way to hot during the winter, so we should spend some time in Idaho every July.  For Idaho is summer is beyond bliss.  Lots of great family and friends in Idaho is also a major pull :)

So here are a ton of photos, from I'm sure a lot of trips like this to come:

First dip in.  Isaac and Eli have no reservations. 

Titus is probably thinking, "Why did you bring me here?!  I hates this place."
He helped me dig a hole for a long time, instead of go in the water. 

The boys had a blast with Matt!  Dads are just too fun, aren't they?

Eli really has no fear.  Plus he can't swim.  Gives me lots of fear. 

Since I grew up with beaches I know how to dig and build in sand.  However my boys love to "help me" and my creations are never completed.  What the hey, it make 'em happy! 

Time for some body burials! 

Titus got far away from the scene.  "I'll eat my brownie over here," he thinks. 

Titus is in the water!  I repeat, Titus is in the water!

New favorite past time--CHASE THE SEAGULLS! 

So... 

... when are YOU coming to visit us? 

Hating "Mad Mommy"

"Mad mommy" reared her ugly head today.  Hate her.

Am I ever going to get a handle on mothering?  
I feel like my week reads like a Dr. Seuss story:

Good day,
Bad day, 
Good day, 
Bad.  

Good in the morning, 
Bad at night. 

Good day,
Good day,
Good day, 
Bad.




How do you do it?  How do you stay consistent with mothering/parenting?

To Them

I hope I'm a good mommy, and that they can see I'm doing my best.

I've been told a few times this summer that "you're beautiful."  Um, thanks people, that's really nice but... wow.  How do I put this into words?  Okay, I only feel really pretty when I've had a "good mommy day."

Sometimes when my kids look at me I wonder if they see this scary thing


instead of, well, me.


So I've been working really hard to try to be a calm and peaceful mommy.  Keeping my voice down, being compassionate, and really everything they need me to be for them.

With Isaac being off to school I'm starting to realize how important my role is as a mother.  He comes home from school totally wiped for the first hour.  Tired, annoyed, and a bit angry is pretty typical.  I'm learning to give him some space, and some food, and letting him come back to us as Isaac gently.  If I push it, I've noticed, he fights it and doesn't want to be happier.  It's been taking a lot of energy, but I think we are all starting to get on the same page and understand a routine.

.............

6:30 am, I wake up to the alarm on my phone, roll out of bed, and head to the boys' room.  I turn on the hall and bathroom lights, letting just enough light in their room to make the boys uncomfortable.  Eli and Titus are the first to wake, and the stumble into the living room.  I decide to entice Isaac out of bed by playing a "Tom and Jerry" show on the computer.  It works!  Isaac, without much delay, comes and joins his brothers on his bed.

They ask for some drink, I give it to them.  They watch one more show, and then I serve breakfast.
Everyone is ready towards 8am but me.  I've been running around trying to get everything together for the long day ahead of us--Eli has a cardiologist appointment in South Carolina, and I need to drop Titus off at person's home who willing volunteered to watch him during Eli's appointment.

The boys are bouncing off the walls, no one is able to keep shoes on, and I'm about to hit this fan.  I don't want to go crazy on them, I think.  What am I going to do?! No one seems to be listening to me, and I'm about to blow! 

A thought: read the scriptures with them.

So I do.  I find the "Book of Mormon Reader" and open up to Abinadi's story.  Isaac and Eli are the ones the pay attention, but a calm enters our house and I can feel peace once more.  We then all kneel down and I say family prayer.  The boys get up and start bouncing off the walls once more.  Nothing has really changed, you know, except for me.  Capable and very peaceful, I feel.

Biking is out of the question this morning so I park in a neighborhood near the school and we all walk Isaac to the front of the building.  We say goodbye, then me and the two little boys go back home and finish preparing for the big day.

On the way to the volunteer's home Eli asks, "What we doing?"
I say, "Well Titus is going to someone's home while you and I go to the doctors."
Eli, "NOOOOOO!  MOM!  I DON'T WANNA GO TO DOCTORS!  PLEASE, NO!"
Many tears are shed in the 10 minute drive.  But I'm able to keep my cool, and calmly explain that "it's not going to hurt" and that "nothing is going to happen to you."

Titus' drop off goes off without a hitch.  He walks in the house, sees stairs, and heads straight up them.

I get back in the 4runner with Eli and we head north for 45 minutes to Beaufort, SC.  On the way up there he is pretty calm, probably because he has the iPad all to himself and can play "Pocket Gods" the way he wants to.

When we arrive at the doctor's office I think, You know, before we go in I bet Eli is pretty hungry and would like some chocolate milk.  So for the first time in a long time I buy a happy meal.  And Eli goes wildly happy.  He sits beside me in the waiting room and eats everything, and downs his chocolate milk.  When his name is called to go to the back, he goes without one complaint or fit, and is the most compliant I've ever seen him during a visit.

And he looks great!  37 lbs, 32.5 inches tall,  I do believe the nurse tells me.  During the heart echo Eli stays really still, and becomes intrenched my the ultrasound tech's finger nails.  We met our new doctor, and he tells us that we don't need to come back for another 6 months!  This is all wonderful news to hear.

We head back home, Eli falls asleep, and I pick up Titus.  When the boys come to I take them to Goodwill to look around, pick up a canvas for .99 cents, and head over the Isaac's school to pick Mr. I-man up from Kindergarten.

After we pick Isaac up we head to a park.  We only stay for a bit... since Isaac is still in "recovery mode" from school.  At home I make lemonade, which the boys all down in a sitting.  I then start to work on some home-made mac-n-cheese dinner.

At dinner we all sit and eat and talk to each other.  The boys eat/pick at the strawberry and spinach salad, then totally scarf the mac-n-cheese.

Isaac is really in a good mood now.  So I put them all in the bath, and let them have fun--though they do seem to beat up on each other  in the bath.  Since the screams are from the bathroom are getting a bit on my nerves I decide to take them all outside.

Into LEGO Batman and Robin pjs we go, and a outside walk we start.  The evening is great: low humidity, and low eighties in temp.  We walk half a block, then turn around.  The boys chase after a cat, but I feel like looking after these 3 children is trying to heard cats!

When we get back to the house they say the want to go inside.  Now way, let's have races down the driveway to Mommy and back to the 4runner.  They all agree, and such fun they have!  All sorts of running goes on: one foot hoping, giraffe galloping, speedy racing.  Pretty great stuff.

As we start to go inside we meet a neighbor, who has young kids!  Hooray!  And a trampoline!  Double hooray!

We come inside, have a glass of milk at the table, then head to bed.  We read two books, then brush teeth, and then lay down.


Yup.  Good day.  Not-too-monsterous.

I'm Here! And I Ramble!

I know, right?  Like where have I been?

Moving, unpacking, starting Isaac is school, trying to keep everyone calm and organized (including myself), attending a new ward (church congregation), enrolling in military stuff, and driving all over the place to figure out where the heck I am.

It's been a little rough.  Matt's post below is super sweet, and I do wish he was here.  But I'm learning new things about myself and my own abilities--even if the information/learning curve is like "drinking from a fire hose."

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Today I'm finally feeling like I have my head above water.  Oh sure, there's boxes to still be unpacked. Oh sure, there's really nothing on the walls.  Oh sure, the bunk-bed is still in pieces.  Oh sure, there's boxes of clothes on one side of my bed.  But there is peace in my heart--and that's what I've been praying for all week.  To stop being "mad mommy" or "stressed mommy" and just be, as Eli would but it, "You.  My mommy."

I took the boys to the beach today.  30ish minute drive ain't bad!  Ain't bad at all.  Eli and Isaac love it. Seriously love it.  They go up to their necks in the water and have a blast in the waves... makes me nervous much?  Yup!  But I try really hard not to let it show.  Titus pretty much hates it all.  He has the weird and terrified fear of sand... so the beach is his living hell.  He kind of came around towards the end, kind of.

Speaking of fear, can I just tell you mine?  Okay, I will.  The "r" word.  Roach.  I have panic attacks when I see them.  The best part of living in Idaho was to not worry about these devilish creatures.  7.5 years of dry mountain bliss!  Our new home is like 40 feet above sea level.  And it so very wet and it so very warm.  All things roaches love.  I've been trying to be brave--it's not working too well.  I can deal with worms, and snakes, and mice, and rats; but I get serious anxiety when I have to open up the door at night, for I know a roach will run across my path.  Pesticides are in my new future!!

There is also a weird funk smell going on outside.  I do believe a small animal has died under our shed. I've just decided not to go out that side of the house, and hope that it'll all be taken care of in the next day or so... how long does it take for something to decompose?

..................

Isaac started school Wednesday.  I rode them over with the bike, and after filling out a bit more paperwork, took him to his class.  The school system started back on the 3rd, so obviously he started late.  I had Eli and Titus with me, and little Titus was pitching a fit in my arms when I dropped Isaac off.  I got close to tears, though nothing really spilled over.

He's been doing well for the most part.  Is excited to go but wonders if he has to go everyday.  However I think it's been a little much for him--it's a full day Kindergarten (that's all that's offered out here, unlike the West where K is half day) and on day 2 he had a melt down.  During the lesson Isaac couldn't figure out how to cut a circle, started to cry, and was unresponsive for an hour afterwards.

Breaks my heart, and the teach and I have discussed putting Isaac in the "deployed parents counseling group."  So even though Matt isn't deployed, Matt is still not going to be living with us till Dec (or Thanksgiving), and we are new to the military life so we think this maybe a good place.  Isaac doesn't talk much in big groups, but he does listen.  And listening to his peers talk may help him understand his own feelings.  This school that he goes to is only K and 1st grade, so the group will all be kids around his age.

On Friday when I got the kids up I said something about getting Isaac ready for school, and Eli had a bit of a melt down.  Through tears and yelling, "Why?  Why Isaac go to school?!"  Yeah... A little rough on us all, but Eli especially.  Think there's a group for 3 year olds try to cope with their older brothers going off to school?

But this is an adjustment for me too.  "Like, so, I have to be a responsible adult now? And like, look at homework assignments?  So... we just can't play all day now?"  Where did mine and Isaac's childhood go?!

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3 weeks ago when me and the boys went up to visit Matt at Ft. Knox, I hit my bum/tail bone on the side of the pool.  It hurt BAD.  I couldn't sleep the night it happened.  I could barely do anything the next day without crying out in pain.  Guess what?  It still hurts.  Just a little buzz of a pain, but still there.

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I've been thinking about last year a lot.  Around this same time.  I was so nervous and stressed out of my mind.  Little love Eli was in surgery, August 17th, a year ago.  His last (hopefully) open-heart surgery.  He was stressed out of his mind too.  It's hard to image what a 2 year old feels waking up to so much pain and discomfort, in an environment so foreign and strange.  Poor guy.  So this beach trip was extra sweet today.  Eli really is so much fun, and I'm so happy for him.
So, yeah, I really rather have this stress of setting up a house in a new place with no husband, than sending a child off to major reconstructive heart surgery.  Hands down.

So with that perspective, let's get onto pictures!

Sketch I did for Matt of the layout of the home.

Our new comforter!  We actually haven't had one in a really long time.  Saw this and fell in love.

Sure, take a look at the mess. 

A mess.
This kitchen is amazing!  I feel like I have so much space.  That's a good indicator of how bad the kitchens have been the last 5 years.  

A mess.
Dining room table and chairs my parents let me have.  Pretty sure the governor of Alabama grew up with this set. 

A mess.
The master, turned into the boys room.

A mess.
Our lil room.  So bright and cheerful!

Isaac rocking out, and playing along to one of Matt's recorded tunes.
He loves to try and find the same sounding cords, and play the same rhythm. 

Dragons in their underwear.  I know... these crazy, beautiful boys...

We found a park!  Yes! 

Daddy time!  We love Skype.

Getting ready to go to school.

Big Kindergartner.   

The outside of the house.  I have big plans in my head of what I want to do... but seeing that it's a rental, I'm not sure what's realistic.  However don't be surprised if I try to get the land lord to let us paint some of the outside. 

Biking in the heat is a bit exhausting.  I think I'll just pick Isaac up when in the afternoons at the moment.
And yes, Titus is holding a Spiderman costume.  Mommy says to hot to wear, so I'll demand to hold bring it with me! 

Flowers the hubs had surprised delivered.  He's a pretty cool guy.