But was extraordinary was that I felt at peace with my mothering ability, and I felt at peace with my children. All day... This never, ever happens. I always seem to be doubting myself, and I to put myself through an emotional roller-coster of joy and sadness.
On Thursday I had this great realization, which was that these boys are growing up. An epiphany, I'd say. Next fall as Isaac enters kindergarten Eli could, if I wanted him to, go into a 3's preschool class. Then the following year Titus could, if I wanted him to, go into a 3's preschool class. That means that in two years, if I wanted them to be, all three of my children could be in school--Isaac in 1st grade, Eli in a preschool, and Titus in a 3's preschool.
When I realized this I took the time to hold all my boys tights, with maybe a hint of fear in my heart. I realized that my time with them, all safely in my home and under my care, is coming quickly to an end.
So that day we read, and read, and read books. We worked, and worked, and worked on puzzles. I took a long time to put them to bed. And after prayers, and all were tucked in for the night, I just laid on their floor hoping that I could freeze time and capture the feeling of that day.
2 comments:
Shannon. I love this blog post. Someday when you read my journal, you will find several pages at different times as all of you were growing up showing that I had the same feelings and concerns. Yesterday, I was in the kitchen making cookies and looking out into the backyard at the trampoline and swingset. I wanted my little girls back. I wanted to make koolaid and cookies and watch all of you jump on the trampoline. I couldn't stop crying. It all happened way too fast. But, today I am just grateful that I took the time I did to stay home with you. That we ate lots of fish stix and macaroni and cheese because there wasn't much money. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I am thankful that each one of you are remarkable women that show me daily how to live my life. I am grateful for you.
I'm glad you had one of those "rare re-affirming mommy moments." Sometimes Caleb thinks I'm crazy when I randomly squeeze him for 15 or 20 or 30 seconds. I notice though that on days we really bond and have fun, I get a few extra long spontaneous squeezes too. :) savor it.
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