Let's Miscommunicate… AGAIN!

I can't tell you how many times it has happened between me and Matt.
Many times.  Many, many, many, many times… I'd like to think that most couples do have their communication issues, that we are more the rule than the exception.   But there is one area which I think elevates our communication issues to a whole new level.

It is being from two totally different cultures.  I am Southeastern/East USA.  Matt is West/Canadian West.  We use different words, we have different ideas, etc.
I know lots of couples with each person being from a different country/region.  And I think you guys will appreciated this story::

Okay, so.  For the last 9 years Matt has been talking about making "scones" by frying bread dough, and I've been like: "What THE HECK are you talking about?!"  To me a scone is a baked biscuit, hard, and fruit filled.

How can one make a biscuit from frying dough?  I was totally stumped.  I looked up all these scone recipes, trying to find one that had "frying" in the instruction.  Didn't find a one, just lots and lots of recipes of fruit biscuits.  I even tried a basic scone recipe for the family one time, but Matt didn't even touch them.  I was pretty certain Matt was mental, and had no clue what he was talking about.  

This past weekend these elusive "scones" were brought up again.  I really wanted to get to the bottom of this mystery, so I started a really in depth search… BAM!!  I found them!  SO.  In the Mormon West "scones" are what the rest of America call "fritters".  Well shoot!  I can make some fritters, now!  Get me some oil, get me some powdered sugar, we are about to have a frying good time!  We ended up having some fritters the next day for dinner, and Matt was in fried-bread heaven.

So I really don't know why the Mormon West calls fritters "scones".  It's kind of strange, but I'll go with it.  Matt let's me call my Dr. Pepper "coke", so I really shouldn't hold "scones" against him, you know?  I'll teach the boys my way, and Matt will teach them his way, and all 3 will come out of their childhood really confused.

This is the recipe I used to make these "scones" aka FRITTERS. (click HERE) It's pretty good.  I didn't have any white flour on hand, and my whole wheat white flour worked wonderfully.  And please do make them thick, like 1/4 inch.  The thin ones aren't near as delicious.

Les AWESOME Mis

Last night me and Matt were able to go on, what we like to call, a "Savannah" date.  Meaning: we go into historic Savannah downtown, eat in a truly established Savannah restaurant, and be entertained with an original Savannah experience.

Last night we were able to go and see a full, live stage production of Les Mis.  Holy awesome.  I truly love the novel (read it twice) and I truly love music from the musical (listened to it thousands of times), but this was the first time I have been able to actually see it!  (Matt had gone once before when he was in his early-ish teens.  Lucky duck.)

A friend of mine had mentioned that the Savannah Theater was running a production of Les Mis for just this week.  Yesterday I got on the site just to see how much it'd be, what times it was playing.  To my surprise the site said "Military:  Free Admission."  I was like, "Yeah, we're going!!"  We got a sitter pretty easy, and two hours after making our plans we were in our seats in at (I believe) the oldest theater house in the USA.

It was a small theater, and a small production, but still pretty good.  I weld up like 5 or 6 times, though Matt is the one that let real tear flow at least once :)
I LOVE DATE NIGHTS WITH MY HUSBAND!

Being Calm in My Role

I think I'm starting to be okay with being a mom...  and I've been a mom for 6.5 years, so it's bout time, right?

I can't quite describe my feelings towards motherhood.  It's so wonderful, it's a lot of fun, it's very trying, it's the hardest thing I've ever done.  Typical feelings of mothers, I assume.
But it's always felt like a weird mantle on my shoulders.   I've felt itchy and scratchy, always wanting to claw my way into another path.   There's been no peace or calm in my journey, like "this is TOTALLY what I'm supposed to be doing," and I've shed a lot of tears for my sons.  Poor guys, coming into this world with a mother who's super trying to do her best, but it's never enough--for her heart and mind are hardly ever in line.  In the words of Ducky from The Land Before Time, "Poor, poor, Petrie."
So what else would I want to be doing, then?  Going to school, dating my husband, acquiring a skill set, traveling to awesome places, becoming an educated professional... you know, all those things that "the world" tells you that's important.

All this time I've been like, "I'm so worldly, I'm not spiritual, I'm a failure, my heart is not in the right place."  And I've tried really, really, really hard to change.  And I've cried really, really, really hard to Matt.  There's been prayers, priesthood blessings, and scripture readings.  Those seemed to help.  What has not helped, surprisingly, are the talks from the pulpit.  I've hated--I mean, HATED--to hear men talk about the importance of motherhood.  General Conference has not been fun.  Love the all the leaders on other subjects, but when "motherhood" comes up, I pretty much shut down.  Not good, right?



So how I'm changing:

-I've given up the idea of me going to school in the next 2 or 3 years.  I'm actually half-way applied to a masters program at a school in Savannah.  Public History, being able to work in archives and libraries.
-I've given up the idea of joining the ARMY Reserves in the next year or two.  I've had talks with recruiters and such, and I know the path I need to take to join.
It's taken a lot out of me to "give it up."  But I know I need to.  And it's been the hardest thing I've done in a long, long time.  (Why give it up?  We have no money.  But really pursuing these paths would mean splitting the family apart in ways that Matt and I are not comfortable with.  Being a spouse to a military-man places a lot of the family responsibility on my shoulders, and I must carry the load.)

I'm sacrificing, to me, a lot.  I really feel like my heart is broken, and my spirit is contrite.  For the first time the Holy Ghost can actually lead and guide me, now that my pride and selfishness is not hindering mine and Matt's family.
I don't get super amazing, all the time, promptings.  I try to act with what seems right, but there are no visions, no spoken words--except for 2 months ago.  A few days after teaching Relief Society, I was really pondering the words of the prophet Lorenzo Snow.  The house was quite, and I was just sweeping the floor.  I came to conclude that the reason why I had such a hard time during the last 3 years was that I was not relying on Christ to help me through... and there was such an overwhelming confirmation, that I literally started to weep.  My God, my God, I had hardened my heart, turned my back, and left myself to mine own devices.   There was a big old, "Yup," in my mind and I broke down.
I've started watching this show, which streams through Amazon Prime (but may also be on other apps), called "How the Universe Works."  It's a Discovery Channel series, and it's amazing.  It covers the Big Bang, the galaxies of the universe, planets, moons, stars, all sorts!  And every time something is described, like how if the super massive Gas Planets on the outer part of our solar system were not there, then tons and tons and tons of astroids would hit our earth, and we may not exist.  "We may not exist, if" such and such were not in this manner, is said over and over again.  I was brought to tears during the first episode.  I'm not a romantic, I don't believe me and Matt were fated to be together, but that we have just worked really hard and that's why our marriage is still intact.  See, I'm more of a Deist--belief in the existence of a supreme being, specifically of a creator who does not intervene in the universe--than not.  But gosh, if all this effort is put into making simple 'ol us and our universe, then maybe Heavenly Father does care about my day to day life.  That has had a profound impact, one which I cannot properly put into type.



I'm still working at this, being "calm in my role as a mother," but I'm seeing a good difference in myself and how I handle the stressful situations with the boys.
I'd love to know how other people come into their roles with such strength and peace.  Please share--cause obviously I need it.  Comment or email me (shandud@gmail.com).



And here are a ton of pictures, cause that's what I do:

A note I found during Spring Cleaning, which I wrote 2 years ago:
Dear Shannon, Please continue to stay fit, read scriptures, say daily prayers.
Always know that people care about you and love you.
LOVE YOUR KIDS! 

Saw Eli getting a drink from the sink.  Too funny.

Mid day Skype with Matt. 

Titus tends to wear his undies on backwards.  I think it's to see the picture better. 

Titus totally had to go pee while we were in the middle of car-rider line.
I think he'll pee in the almond container!

Being a Good Wife, Sending Packages

The packages that I send to Matt vary in content, and it can take 1 week to get there or up to 3 weeks (just depends upon the weather pattern in Afghanistan; choppers don't want to get in the sky when a server storm is present).  

I don't have to worry so much about sending food this time (compared to Iraq), since he's actually stationed at a place with consistent meals--but chocolate is always welcome!  He got the box of chocolate delivered when at his office, and the other men swarmed.  He willing gave up the OREOs and snuck the rest of the goodies back to his room, haha.  

The other package contained sheets and facial wipes.  All good, practical things.  

Matt got both these packages a day or two ago.  I had hoped that each would arrive before our anniversary, but at least they arrived, right?!  10 days late, oh well. 

He wrote me a poem of thanks.  It's hilarious, so I must share.  (Yup, the note I sent Matt had no mushy or gushy words, just "Wash your face.") 

A poem for you:
My sheets all tan and so grey
Makes life simple and delightfully gay
Sleep will easily find me and not cause perplex
Because my mind can relax and dream of  some hexagons
I love my new sheets and the package that came
Shannon the sender giving directions so plain
Unwritten was sleep, loving care, and some peace
But textually she wrote simply, "Wash your face"

Poem of the Month

It's probably not a good thing if I'm already crying, before I even write...

I found it.  The One.  The poem that I've loved since my senior year in high school, but could never recall it's name, author, or exact words.  After much frustration, and much googling and reading, The One has been found.

It's such a personal favorite of mine that I'm not sure I even want to share it.  I've been contemplating--for weeks--to share, or not to share.   TODAY, 10 minutes ago in fact, I came to the conclusion that it is best to share.



This is about a husband and wife, narrated by view point of the child, now grown and looking back.  Free verse, about normal everyday life, but with an intimate undertone.  

It is the those simple things, those patterns and habits, which make us individualized and endearing to our loved ones.   Those are the things that matter, those are the things which are truly romantic.
I could list all that I miss about Matt, but I'm not--it'll make me sad (I write as I cry, haha)--instead I'll look to our future:  a future of everyday life.

Early in the Morning 
by Li-Young Lee 

While the long grain is softening
in the water, gurgling
over a low stove flame, before
the salted Winter Vegetable is sliced
for breakfast, before the birds,
my mother glides an ivory comb
through her hair, heavy
and black as calligrapher's ink.

She sits at the foot of the bed.
My father watches, listens for 
the music of comb
against hair.

My mother combs,
pulls her hair back
tight, rolls it 
around two fingers, pins it
in a bun to the back of her head. 
For half a hundred years she has done this. 
My father likes to see it like this. 
He says it is kempt.

But I know 
it is because of the way 
my mother's hair falls
when he pulls the pins out. 
Easily, like the curtains
when they untie them in the evening. 

"I Am Emotional"

Mid April has been a hard time, and for a few years it's been this way.  Between Eli's birthday, and mine and Matt's wedding anniversary (which are a week apart) I'm like a weepy, broken human.  Plus this year I taught Relief Society, there was the awful Boston bombings, the West, Texas explosion, and Matt's prolonged absence.  I've been a bit emotional!

Why is Eli's birthday hard?  All those feelings before, during, and after his arrival just come flooding back--for whatever the reason.  It wasn't an easy thing for me to have a child, knowing he was "sick," and not knowing how he'd do with everything.
Why mine and Matt's wedding anniversary?  We did not get married during an easy part of our relationship.  Emotionally we were great!  However, 10ish days after we were married he once again packed up and left for Iraq.  (He had flown from Iraq to get married, we hadn't seen each other in 5 months.)

I'm on the mend again, feeling good, enjoying the great weather.
I watched a movie that really put a smile on my face, it's a French film in English subtitles, called, "Romantics Anonymous."  Released in 2011, is PG-13, and is a great romantic comedy.   Rotten Tomatoes even gave it a 88% positive fed back!   Anyway, it's all about dealing with emotions, being emotional, and chocolate.
For whatever the reason movies are like a personal therapy.  I really cling to a few that help me get in a better place.  Last year it was Mama Mia, the year before it was Pride & Prejudice (the six hour series, and Knightly's 2005 flick), and during Matt's Iraq's deployment I really loved Wimbledon.  

So here are a few pictures from the last 2 weeks, to recap what I forgot to blog while I was being irrational:

Library time!  The boys are pretty obsessed with Elephant & Piggie

Me and the two littles ran a ton of errands, that all seemed to come to nothing. 

Hello, Beautiful!
Seriously love these chips.  So happy to have randomly found them in a random gas station.
Georgia!!  Please start stocking good food!! 

We went to the gym, and the boys became zombies during child watch.
Kinda wish they didn't show movies, and just let 'em play... Oh well.  At least I get to run in peace. 

Eli had a doc appointment.  Shots too.  They did well!  Eli's all ready for Pre-K in the fall!

Dear Mr. Sandman,

Thanks for visiting last night.  I really did need to catch up on all that rest. 



I put Eli and Titus in pjs at 3pm.  We pick up Isaac, play out side, play inside, eat dinner.  Early bedtime at 6:30.
I rest on the couch... and fall sleep at 6:50.  I wake up at 8:30, finish up the kitchen, brush my teeth, check on the boys, and head right to bed.  Titus visits me at 4am, after taking him potty I lay him back down, and then crash in my bed once more.

The boys wake up at 7am.  I wake up at 7am.
Twelve hours of sleep was amazing, and so needed.  I feel so great right now.



Not sleeping--that's been the toughest part for me with kids!  Especially when Titus was about a year, and I realized that I hadn't slept through the night in almost 2.5 years.  I was a bit bonkers by it, too.
Matt would ask me, "So what do you want for Christmas?" or "What do you want for Mother's Day?"
My answer, always, was "Sleep.  I just want to sleep.  That's it."
It wasn't till after Eli's last surgery (August 2011) that everyone started sleeping pretty well through the night.  Wow, I started doing sooo much better!



I've always needed sleep.  In middle school/high school I'd hit a wall (every 2 to 3 months) and sleep all weekend, and just emerge for water and some cereal.  Everyone close to me knows this: my mom, my dad, my husband, and I'm pretty sure my boys are figuring it out.

It's been a little hard for Matt to grasp the concept, since he never had those big sleep crashes while growing, but he's come around.  It's part of who I am, Babe!



And I don't know how accurate this clipping is, but it makes me feel better when I demand a Sunday afternoon nap!

YouTube :: This Where I'm From. No Joke.

This is a video that I just stumbled upon that mentions the place I grew up.  In fact I recognize most of the landmarks!

And maybe my FB post with this meme:
"lived in Alabama.
I was dating no one.
I drove my parents' '94 light blue Dodge Caravan. 
I feared not understanding Protestant Born-Again Culture, and being called out as a non-Christian.
I worked no where.
I wanted to go to the West for college. So bad."

makes more sense after watching:





Marrying Matt has been so refreshing!  Love my "marvelous, Mormon, mountain man."

We Should Fight Over Salt

Because that will make our relationship so very close!



I sent Matt to the store yesterday to pick up some milk, butter, cereal; basically the essentials to last us for the few weeks remaining in Idaho.

When he came home I opened up the bag and saw salt.
Me, "Salt? What?! Why would you buy salt?"
Matt, "Because we are almost out."
I bring down the old container of salt, shake it, and estimate that there is at least a 1/4 inch of salt covering the bottom (not to mention the shaker filled with salt).
"Matt," I impatiently say, "why would you buy salt?! This container that we have has lasted our whole marriage!"
Matt frustratingly says, "Well, sorry! It was only a dollar!"

Don't worry, we made up later that night.

This morning I come down and see the new container of salt on the countertop, with these words written in crayon:

Oh love and marriage, you guys are awesome.
It's things like this that make me believe that Matt and I will make it, and be totally okay for 20, 30, 40+ years.

I'll let you guys know when we do run out of our new container.  Look for the salt update in 7 years!

Poem of the Month

Good Timber
Douglas Malloch

The tree that never had to fight
For sun and sky and air and light,
But stood out on the open plain
And always got it's share of rain,
Never became a forest king
But lived and died a scrubby thing.

The man that never had to toil,
To gian and farm his patch of soil,
Who never had to win his share,
Of sun and sky and light and air,
Never became a manly man
But lived and died as he began.

Good timber does not grow in ease;
The srtonger the wind, the stronger the trees;
The further the sky, the further the length;
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow.

Where thickest lies the forest growth
We find the patriarchs of both.
And they hold counsel with the stars
Whos broken branches show their scars
Of many winds and much of strife.
This is the common law of life.

.................

Okay, so reason number 1 why I love this poem: it's the first poem that I memorized. Around age 11 or 12, I think. Heard it in a Sunday school lesson and fell in love! Reason number 2: It's about trees. Reason number 3: It's inspiring! And reason number 4: It's about trees!! I love the forest--it's the Cherokee blood in me.

I didn't do a poem for the month of April. Sorry y'all. I had moved and all of my poetry books were packed away. (One of my favoirte things to look at in thrift stores are old literature books. I'm starting to get a nice collection.) From now till September I'll be relying on my brain for some poems to share.

.............

In April Matt and I celebrated our 6th year of marriage. For a while now I've been feeling like we have gone through too much in such a sort amount of time. Iraq deployment, both full time in college, 3 babies, heart surgeries, more college, more military--all of this under the poverty line. I've wondered how we can handle all of it. Not really questioning our relationship, but just wondering how we can make it through each day in one piece.

After a few embarrasing break downs, and lots of prayer, I've come to realize that our life is our life. The past is the past. The future is the future. And most important, the now is the now. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. In fact, without these trial we wouldn't be who we are today. Our trials make our lives better--nay, our relationship better. (An "aha" moment, right there.)

Love you, Matt Studly. Can't wait to see what your abs look like at the end of the summer!
And happy 6th anniversary to us, may we have an infinity more!