I've Gained 20 Lbs, and it's OK

If you've been one to follow this blog, or you've seen me periodically in the last 10 months, or I've spoken to you about it, you have probably deduced that I have gained weight.   And that logical train of thought is correct.  I have gained weight.  A whole whopping 20 pounds. 

What I weigh now is what I weigh when I'm full term in my pregnancies with any of my boys.  

What I weigh now is the heaviest I've ever weighed. 

What I weigh now is still a healthy BMI for my age and height. 

And I'm okay.  

I wasn't into daily exercise routines till after Eli was born--summer 2009.  As one may imagine, having a little "heart" baby was really stressful, and I found a great release in running a few miles everyday.  It was also that summer when I began to watch what I ate more carefully.   I had had my gallbladder removed a month after Isaac was born (October 2006), and it slowly occurred to me that I felt better with less fat is in my diet.  No gallbladder + heavy/fatty food = awful feeling Shannon when she ate those beautiful greasy things. 

The summer of 2010, after Titus was born, saw a Shannon obsessed with eating well and running more than 2 miles.  I incorperated muscle building work-outs, I started P90x in Jan of '11, and once I stopped breast-feeding Titus I began to cut more and more calories out of my diet.  

The year of 2011 was one major stress bomb.  I just can't even begin to put into words how uptight, tired, worried, quick to tears I was.   A few things contributed to this, including:

- having 3 kids, within 3 and a half years--the lack of sleep for consecutive years was extremely hard to bare 

- one child needed his 3rd and (hopefully) final open surgery in Aug 2011

- Matt was pretty much MIA from Aug of 2010 to May of 2012; for his 18 credit a semester MBA, ROTC trainings, and National Guard obligations ate up all his time

- and hardly a penny to our name didn't help either 

I found control and relief is running, working out, and "keeping a thumb" on my eating.  I got REALLY skinny.  

The stress of life abated a little after Matt graduated and commissioned in the Army in May of 2012, but do to military trainings he was not with us from July thru November.  We saw him every 2 weeks, which was awesome, but I was still (in all intents and purposes) a single parent with 3 small boys to look after.   Stress induced "Skinny Shannon" continued.

Matt deployed in March of 2013 to Afghanistan.  And you guessed it: stress induced "Skinny Shannon" continued.  

But then me and the boys moved to a new home (in the same town) Sept '13, two months before Matt came home.  I had lost another 5 pounds during the move, and I was so exhausted from the move and all that happened that year, that I hit a wall and just started to sit. 

And sit.  

And sit.  Oh, and eat fries.  

I slept a lot in October 2013, and me and the boys ate a lot of fast food.  Which is totally disgusting, I know, but in a lot of ways it was a therapy.  Feed the feelings of exhaustedness.  

During that 6 weeks of sitting and eating and waiting for Matt to come home, I gained 20 pounds.  I've been actively trying to lose the weight since Jan of this year, but nothing has really budged.  BUT, it's okay. 

Really, it is.  

I look back at those photos of me being super skinny, and I have no warm feelings.  If I have to be super stressed to be that skinny, then it's not worth it.  NOT WORTH IT.  

A few things have been annoying since gaining weight, obviously.   My clothes are tight, a lot of things don't fit, and I hate how "large" I look in photos.  

But my mental state is finally level, which is amazing.  Truly, it is.  I think the last time I've felt this well was summer of 2008.  

I'm not saying this extra 20 pounds is good for me, and I have a plan to help lose it, but a happy mind is so much better than a crazy mind.  

I like exercise, and I love to eat well--it's not toucher.  But I will NOT obsess about 1.5 hour work-outs.

 I will NOT obsess over each calorie.  That may mean I only lose 10 to 15, and that will be fine.  Being a happy and whole person means so much more than being a size 2.  

I want my boys to have good memories of me, and not think of me as a "functioning anorexic" (which I'm afraid I was at one point).  

So this is me.  In all my curvy glory!  

(You know what?  I'm was still a size D even when I was lighter.  I come from a line of big chested women, and that's where I'll stay…  So my life long dream of having Kate Hudson's "boy body" is not going to be realized.)

2 (or 3?) Really Busy Weeks

Honestly, these past few weeks have been jammed packed.  I'm actually shocked at how fast it's gone.


Highlights:

--  Saturday, March 22 ::  On a whim, I drove to Orlando FL's IKEA.  We needed dressers for the boys, so I was going to make it happen.  Especially when I had been looking around for a month and nothing was showing up.  I was also able pick a lot of things up for a very pregnant friend of mine.  So it was worth it, even all the crazy stress!  I mean, it's a 4 hour drive one way.  Then I arrived at IKEA with only an hour more open, and I picked up all the furniture and things by myself.  I was sore for days!  Haha.

--  Thursday, March 27 ::  Very Pregnant Friend has her baby!  Yay!  I tasked with the very enjoyable job of watching their two year old daughter.  This daughter is dropped off at 2am, Very Pregnant Friend's water breaks in my house, and they rush out the door!   Happily the baby wasn't born in the car or parking lot, but it was a close call.

-- Thursday thru Sunday, March 27-March 30 ::  My mom comes for the weekend!  Amazing!  Me and Matt were able to on many dates, Mom and I were able to talk a ton, the boys had wonderful Grammie time, plus Mom was even able to a Miss Annie program for Isaac's class.

-- Saturday, March 29 ::  Opening ceremony for Eli and Isaac's baseball season!  (Titus is too young.)  And the games begin.

-- Sunday/Monday, March 30/31 :: I plant our garden!

-- Tuesday and Thursday, April 1 and 3 ::  Baseball games for the boys.

-- Friday and Saturday, April 4 and 5 :: No Longer Very Pregnant Friend drops her 2 year old off, and I watch the little girl for two days since my friend needs to be with her newborn in the hospital (things just need to be looked over).   PLUS… more baseball!

-- TODAY :: I have no idea what's going to happen.  General Conference and snuggles and ice cream--that's my best guess.


But what I really think that's been making my life fly by is my new commitment to running.  For the month of March I logged 60 miles, and this month I hope to get 100 miles in.  So I'm more tired, but more energized too.

Alright, best get going.
Pictures of the garden, and many more pictures of baseball season, to come!

Playing Outside with Sweet Rides

One of the cool things about living in this townhome village is the amount of asphalt space my boys have to play on, and with friends right next door!  Not too many cars come on our street, and play seems to come easy.

The boys have enjoyed their bike riding, but really have loved their Razor scooters they got from Christmas.  And Titus just likes to RUN!  (The pictures make it look like there are a ton of cars around, but that's usually not the case… Just on these picture days, haha.)

Goin' Good, Gettin' Groove

I'm eating a double chocolate cheesecake at 9 in the morning.  So I'm doing really well!  Haha! 

Matt's been gone coming up on two weeks, and I'm starting to understand our rhythm and how all this will work.  

The boys aren't waking up too early since THE TIME CHANGE, so my morning schedule is kind of off, but other than that things are going smooth.

Me and the two little boys do errands while Isaac's at school, then we pick Isaac up around 3, dinner is served between 4:30 and 5, we clean up the house, and then get ready for bed.

After the boys are down (like @ 7pm), I start to get ready to do a work.  That's right guys, I've started P90X.  Which has been great.  I'm on week 3 right now, without missing a day!  I don't go too hard core, but do what I can.  This isn't the first time I've done the program, but last time I made it only to week 6... But I started to go crazy--since I wasn't sleep through the night at the time it was really hard (Titus was just like 7 or 8 months old).  It's a 13 week program, and the last day of it will put me finishing the day before me and the boys leave for Idaho. Hear that?!  I'm going to Idaho for a month!  Fun!  (June 2 thru July 9.)

After I do the program I get ready for bed.  I usually wear Matt's clothes to bed.  Is that sad?  I read some, then write in my journal--I've only missed one day since Matt has left.

I do better with a schedule, I've realized. So far everything is going well. *fingers crossed*

Robie Freakin' Death

It started last April, when I realized that an awesome half marathon was going on just beyond the hills in Boise.  I got an itch to do it... 

... Then this February 20th registration opened at noon, sold out in 9 minutes, and I got a spot.  And for February, March, and April I was freaking out. FREAKING OUT! What was I thinking trying to do The Race to Robie Creek Half Marathon, The Hardest Race in the Northwest?  

I trained as much I could, and to the best of my abilities... I still felt totally unprepared.  Did lots of 7 to 9 mile runs on hills and treadmills (on elevation), and since the foothills were practically mud, that's pretty much all I knew to do.  The I did lots of stairs in our town home. 45ish minutes going up and down our stairs. I had to prepare for 8.4 miles up hill and 4.9 miles down. 

Yesterday April 21st arrived. Matt's parents took me to the starting line (Matt was out of town with ROTC stuff), then took the boys to McDonalds.  2 minutes before the race I realized I had to pee, but then line for the bathroom was too long and I didn't was to chance being late. 

Race started, and it was fine. I went up, up, up, up the hills into the neighborhood and enjoyed all the cheering for the two miles, and the Rocky Sound Track being played from various homes to motivate the runners. Into the hills we went. And I was like, "What the *bleep* am I doing? I should just turn around and go home." But I kept going. Was able to pee at a port-a-potty around mile 4... 

... and then I hit a wall. And I seriously had to walk mile 4 to 5. I mean, going up hill for 4 miles kicks trash. 

Ran for most of it till the summit. THE SUMMIT! Holy smokes. It's INTENSE. Most walk the last 3/4 miles till the summit, and I so did.  I was able to run down the steep hill on the other side of the summit with no problem. A lot of people had trouble, actually, and I really don't blame them. Going down steep hill for miles at a time is very crazy, but I think all my stairs from my training helped me out a lot. 

AND did I mention that it was the HOTTEST Robie in 10 years?! It was really hot. 85ish, no cloud cover. Sucked the energy right of me. The race starts at noon because, hey, this is Idaho. Most the time it is cold this time of year. Sometimes snow. Not this year. 

My goal was to finish under 3 hours. I finished in 2 hours and 59 minutes. YES!  Got my t-shirt, ate a plate of food, then went on the buses to get me back home.  Met a cool guy who RAN THE WHOLE STICKEN THING!  Matt surprised me and picked me up, and we actually gave our new friend a ride to his car--which was 4 miles away. 

What else... what else? 

Had my CamelBack, drank a liter of that, but also had lots of oranges offered throughout the course. Gatorade too. And some nasty GUs (energy supplements). I had extra GUs and gave them to people who were really cramping up on the down hill. 

It's a fun, crazy race. Always a new theme each year. This year it was Samurai SailToad, so everything had a like a "Japanese" feel.  Haikus on boards posted on the side of the road, and things like that. 

Here are some pictures I took with my phone. Well dad-in-law took the pictures of me! ;)

There are stamp tattoos that you can put on your self.  I chose "Our Lady of Perpetual Pain." 

Running through the canyon and this random and awesome flute quartet  was on the side of the hills. 

So funny! And very cool. 

And here is the videos I took on the very summit of the race. It was awful. 

And actually I want to clarify that it took my 2 hours to get to the top, not 1.
My brain was getting mushy at this point.

going down, Down, DOWN!

See the mountains? Pretty!

And some crazy ladies cheering us towards the end. It's a day of celebration for everyone, apparently! 

And here is the picture that the Idaho Statesman took of me while I was finishing the run. I was sprinting and screaming. I don't think the emotion translated well in the photo, haha!

Do I look like a salt lick? Well I was. Totally covered in sweat and salt. That was totally weird to wipe my face and feel all the salt minerals. 

Um yeah. I'm tired. And my legs hurt. But my shoes rocked it. And I didn't get burnt. I don't think I want to do this race again! 

Bye, guys. 

Sweaty Matt

Matt sweats.  A lot.  Like a ton.  When he was a missionary for the LDS church, serving in Alabama, he would have to constantly wipe his face off, usually with the back of his hand.  Then he'd flick the sweat down which would sometimes land on people.  Ew.  And can you even imagine what he looked like when he was in Iraq?!  Yeah, I can't either.

So he's been into Insanity, which is a high cardio workout program.  Not really able to follow the schedule, but he likes to do a some of the workout throughout the week.  Cousin Jessica let us borrow her copy--what's up Jessica?!

On Friday night he did a session, and was dripping sweat!  I tried to get some pictures of the all the wetness.  It didn't really work out, but I like the pictures of him so I'm sharing them.  I also think it's interesting how different angles, lighting, etc. tell different stories.

Behold, the shirtlessness!:

These last two pictures I'm scratching and picking his back.  My primal instincts are to groom!