Sometimes I Can't Breath

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When large moving machines pass by me, and I'm a pedestrian, I can't breath.

I've tried to explain it to people, cause I know it doesn't make too much sense, but I'm pretty sure people think I'm crazy.


… There is a parade in our current town, and there's a railroad track running right through the town/parade route.  A large train comes barreling down. I can't stand looking at it, feeling unbearable panic, so I turn my head, close my eyes, and try conspicuously to cover my ears till the train passes.
I have tears in my eyes by the time it's over.

…  I'm home with the boys getting out their bikes and scooters out.  A school bus rolls by--large and loud and close.
30 minutes later and I'm still whipping tears away.


I can't explain this fear.  It's so deep and paralyzing.  I just know what kind of damage large moving machines can do to people.  I've seen it, and dealt with those consequences.

I'm trying really hard not to pass this irrational fear to my children.  I hold it in a lot, but I know they see and sense my crazy.  I mean, when they play with their bikes in the front yard, I stand right in the middle of the road always looking back and forth.  If I even see a glimpse of a car I usher everyone to the sidewalk.

So this is my crazy.  I know we all have some sort of fears.
There ya go!  The end!