A Thanks

I just want to thank everyone for the comments on the post below, "Portraits." Those words of encouragement mean more to me than you could imagine. 

You know, after sharing something personal there is usually a feeling of embarrassment.  Which totally happened! Right after I posted this I wanted to be like, "No, I'm totally fine and I was just kidding. I've never had self doubt, in fact I'm running for president of the United States in 2020!" (I have your vote, right?) 

Thanks, so much.

I appreciate your support, love, kindness...

... and of course your vote in 2020. 

Portraits

Last night I did my best to take some self portraits. I failed. Horribly. 

So after huffing and puffing for 20 minutes I finally broke down and asked for Matt's help. 

Here is what we came up with:

 

 

Why do I want some "self" portraits? Well, I've been looking through our photos and have realized there isn't really a good one of me. Just me. In a long, long time. I'm turing 25 soon, and the way I look now maybe as good as it gets. Vain? Yeah, probably.

But there is another part to this. I haven't wanted a picture of myself. I have felt that if there was going to be a picture of me I should have my husband, children, or friends in the photo also to validate my existence. Who is Shannon? A wife, a mother, a friend. 

Now I love being a wife, a mother, and a friend. I really, really do. But over the past 5 years I feel like I have lost myself. There was Isaac's pregnancy, then school (and who can keep themselves in great shape while going to school full time and having a kid? A superwoman, but not me), then Eli's pregnancy, then focusing all my energy on helping Eli get through two open-heart surgeries, then Titus' pregnancy. 

To be honest, Titus' pregnancy completely deflated me. I had been doing well, keeping up courage, holding our family together, even learning to bake bread. But when I found out I was expecting again (just 6 months after Eli!!), I lost all confidence in myself. Who is Shannon now? A silly girl who gets pregnant all the time. My back (not quite literally) broke, my shoulders slumped, and I stopped looking people in the eye. 

I have never been "that girl" that needs a friend to go to the bathroom with. I feel like I have (almost always) known who I am. Shannon. A being that has abilities, and is happy to be that person. Should I wear Wal-Mart pool shoes to school today? Why not! Can the thrift store furnish all of my clothing? Heck yes! 

But I have realized that I have become "that girl." Slowly over the past years, but it has happened. I have wondered things like, "If the house is a mess, does that mean I am a failure?" or "If i can't find anybody's socks, am I a bad mother?" and "If I cannot bake the perfect loaf a bread, am I horrible person?" I just haven't understood who I am and what defines me. Just take a look through our photos, and the lack of Shannon-only-shots makes it obvious. 

There is good news: I am changing. I am starting to feel self-assuredness that helps me walk into a room and know that I belong. I am happy with my body. I am happy with my abilities. I am happy in my roles as a wife, a mother, a friend. 

These portraits celebrate this change. Even if I am a little (VERY) shy about sharing, I feel that I must. It is like setting a goal, sharing the goal, and being accountable for that goal. 

So friends, this is me. 

The good, the bad, and the ugly. 

Thanks for being there for me. 

And thanks for stopping by.

An Eli and Peanut Butter Sandwich

Giving this boy a peanut butter spoon was a bad idea.

 

 

Snow Week

Boise got snow. Yes it did. Lots for this area. 

   

How to start a snow week? Cartoons and smiles!

Isaac got some new shoes on "Black Friday." He loves them, and that is what counts, right?

Titus happily entertained his parents.

 

We trimmed the tree. The boys thought the hanging of the ornaments was really cool, but later decided it was cooler to throw the ornaments into the tree. So as of now, the once ornament heavy tree, is bare! 

 

 

Then the snow really hit...

 

... and Matt got a day off from school, so we went and built a snow man in Matt's parents front yard! 

 

 

Our snowman was a lead singer in a rock-n-roll band.  See the mow hawk. Pretty awesome.  

Isaac really enjoyed the snow. Liked throwing snow at Matt, and eating hands full of snow. Matt worked really hard on a snow fort (but we didn't get a picture!), which was built using a stew pot to make the "snow bricks" for the fort. Eli like the snow... sorta of.  Sometimes he cried, sometimes he had fun.  And Titus was just happy to be held. 

Do Matt and I enjoy snow? Umm... no. 6 winters in Rexburg ruined the "winter wonderland" thing for me. Personally I think snow is dirty and gross. And Matt is an interesting character when it comes to snow. Yes, he grew up in colder places, so sometimes there is hatred towards snow and sometimes there isn't. I think we are still in shock of the Rexburg Winters, and our feelings towards snow will become kinder with time. The snow is slowly melting, and that makes me happy. So maybe a snow week every once in a while ain't that bad? Maybe.

Yeah, so that was November 26th to present! 

Let's Move!

Last week Matt and I ran in a little fun run, called the Turkey Trot.  It was a 4 person relay, each person running 2 miles.  The course was around this lovely park in down town Boise. OH! Did I mention that it was SNOWING?! And COLD?! The course was very slick, and it was not fun to breath in snow. 

But guess what? We had fun. Matt went, the I went, then cousin-in-law Blake went, then cousin Jessica went. Our combined time was an hour and 12 minuets. (And I know, I know. My outfit is so cool. I just wanted to stay warm, people!)

  

So of late, Matt and I have been doing exercises at home. Crunches, mountain climbers, over head arm clappers, flutter kicks, push-ups. You know, pretty much Army work out stuff. We haven't been able to run as much. The weather does not want to participate... let me tell you, running on snow covered, ice packed roads/side walks is not fun! So like this week I only ran once, for 3 miles, and Matt did the same. So doing these small exercises has made us feel better. 

Matt sets his watch to beep every 1 minute. So we do flutter kicks for a minute, then rest for a minute. Then mountain climbers for a minute, then rest for a minute. Get the picture? This can continue for a few sets, to lots of sets. Like 20 minutes later we are done. I AM SO SORE! 

Know what is cool though? Our sons really get into it. Eli and Isaac will lay down on the ground and try to do flutter kicks, leg raisers, mountain climbers. HILARIOUS! Eli exercises this way: laying on his back, he kicks his feet crazy and wiggles his arms around. Isaac has a bit more control, but not much. Isaac boy, though, has come up with his own exercises. One is called "hit the house." So stand. (Are you standing?) Clinch your fist. (Are you clinching your fist?) Then act like you are hitting something in front of you. Say, a house? Do it really, REALLY fast! Also another one of his is called "the twister." Extend your arms, palms out, fingers extended, then twirl back and forth. Really, REALLY fast! 

Though the boys favorite part is when Matt does push-ups. (I excuse myself to feed Titus.) As soon as Matt gets into the push-up position the boys jump on his back! They love it! And Matt thinks it is pretty funny. 

Seriously, the best part (besides the tightening of the tush? And watching Matt's chest grow?), is just spending time together as a family. I know this sounds weird, cause we are together in this home a whole bunch. But that doesn't mean we spend it together all the time. I'm either cooking or cleaning, Matt's at school or studying, Isaac is imagining with trucks, Eli is getting into pots, and Titus is just around. Getting an "actual family time" can be difficult if it is not planned. Experiencing these experiences together is so important! Something to grow a family off of, you know? Like a foundation of friendship and mutual understanding and trust...

Poem of the Month

On this Black Friday, while people are out celebrating great deals, I want to celebrate my great deal! 

On Tuesday me, my sister-in-law, and my sister-in-law-to-be checked out a fabulous consignment shop. Racks and racks of gently used items, sold at 70% off the original price.

There is the jean section, was a beautiful pair of Banana Republic jeans. Classic boot cut. The perfect size. Very well made. I have worn them everyday since I bought them!

Second Hand Coat

Ruth Stone 

I feel

in her pockets; she wore nice cotton gloves,

kept a handkerchief box, washed her undies,

ate at the Holiday Inn, had a basement freezer,

belonged to a bridge club.

I think when I wake in the morning

that I have turned into her. 

She hangs in the hall downstairs,

a shadow with pulled threads.

I slip her over my arms, skin of a matron.

Where are you? I say to myself, to the orphaned body,

and her coat says,

Get your purse, have you got your keys? 

Why am I celebrating these jeans? Once previously worn? I'll tell you: 

Once upon a time I had a beautiful pair of GAP jeans. They fit wonderfully. Perfectly length, perfect color, perfect cut. This was before the "stretch" jean took hold of everything in sight. Remember that time? All you could find was "stretch jeans"? They were very well made. For 2 years they were my best friend. Made me feel special, and kept my secret that I had no butt. Summer of 2005 the zipper broke. I mean it split in two. They was no way to fix them. 

For 5 and a half years I have searched for a well fitting jean. (Minus the 3 times I was pregnant.) 

So these jeans mean a lot. I love them. And they love me, and tell me that I am special, and that my bum will be alright. 

We Be...

 

... so EXCITED!!

Thanksgiving break has begun. It couldn't be more welcome. Matt's days are 10 t0 14 hours long. Always gone in the afternoon and night. We miss our Matt Dad. We be so excited to have him home for a whole week! 

(And the other baby on the left beside Titus? Cousin Luke! My sister Ashley's son.)