Eli Turns 3, Shannon Cries

It's hard to put into words how I feel when Eli has a birthday.  So typically I cry instead of writing.

Most of the emotion comes from remembering the events of day of his birth.

I only had him perfect--without monitors, or scars--for a few seconds.  Then he was taken away.  The act of giving a child to another is heartbreaking (no pun intended).

I look back on those moments and wonder how I handled it all.  I think during the events I just dealt with it.  It is only now in retrospect that I morn and grieve.

Eli is a happy and healthy kid.  A 35 pound three year old (that's HUGE for a heart baby), with lots of energy.  I am very grateful for how things have turned out.

But the events of his first week of life will stick with me for a lifetime... I can easily imagine in 30+ years still weeping every April 13th.

My understanding of life changed that day.
I'm going to go eat cake.